Recently, my last client call which was late and at the end of a very long day, reminded me of why I love coaching: I was talking to a transformed person. Indeed, she told me that she went back and read her notes from our first meeting two months earlier and she didn’t even recognize that person.
One of the key changes in mindset that this client made was to stop judging herself. She stopped the nasty downward spiral that comes with self-judgment.
Here is how it often works: We eat something we think we shouldn’t, and then we’re mad at ourselves. As we eat more, we think about how we have failed yet again. So now we eat more to soften the edgy feelings of failure.
The more we eat in an out-of-control way the worse we feel both physically and emotionally, which makes it easy to keep eating in an out-of-control way. We feel depressed, hopeless, and worthless.
It can take a long time to climb out of that dark hole.
Contrast that to a different scenario: We eat something we think we shouldn’t, and when those old thoughts of judgment arise (as they will), we stop ourselves and remember not to judge.
Instead, we become neutral observers. We notice what is going on. We remember that whatever is happening is just passing through. Today may be a difficult food day, but tomorrow is a new day.
Emotions, feelings, and events all wash over us like waves. They are inevitable and they are passing. When we don’t get quite so hooked into them, we allow them to pass on. It is very likely that later that day we’ll feel different. Even if it takes a couple days, those feelings pass and we return to our usual self.
Instead of having an overeating jag that lasts for weeks or months, it now just lasts for hours or at most a couple of days. Instead of seeing our “failure” as the norm, we see the rough period as the blip in our usual good habits.
We can’t make good choices all the time – at least I can’t, and if you think you can I suspect you are setting yourself up for a crash. But we can make good choices most of the time.
When you get grabbed by uncontrollable urges (and it may be hormonal!) be gentle with yourselfYou don’t have to jump into the ocean and give yourself over to it; instead try allowing the waves to lap over your feet while you pay attention. You can be in it without be lost in it.
Notice what is going on, how you feel, what you are eating (remember – without judgment, just notice) and how it makes you feel physically. That is enough. Just hold it in your heart.
Then, as the tide changes you are ready to continue on your path.
You can think of non-judgment as a positive upward spiral. In the beginning you may only barely separate yourself from the crush of your internal negative judgments. It gets easier each time.
When you go back to making conscious food choices (not perfect – just intentional), you feel better both physically and emotionally. You have more energy to be active and eat well – which in turn gives you even more good energy. You feel emotionally stronger and it becomes even easier to remember that a “bad” day (or bad meal) is only that, nothing more.
You don’t even have to scold yourself when you notice that you are engaging in self judgment. It is a good thing that you noticed! Now you can choose to stop the self-inflicted judgment.
It takes time to change a long standing unconscious habit. Awareness begins the process of change. Just by noticing, you will eventually transform your life.
May peace be with you!
Find more nutrition information, my Mindful Eating CD, and my monthly newsletter on my website: http://healthyhabitscoach.com.
Eat well!
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